Overcoming Initial Nervousness: How to Relax and Enjoy Your First Swinging Experience

Hello Swingers!

Today, we will dive into a topic that will make the more experienced out there smile thinking back on their first experiences, and the ones new to this lifestyle listen carefully, waiting for some wisdom. How can you eliminate your initial nervousness when approaching the swinging lifestyle?

We have good news and bad. No magic spell will take all your anxiety away, but - positive news coming up! - there are several tips and tricks you and your partner can adopt to loosen up a bit before your first swinging adventure.

So, let’s dive into it!

Take it slowly

Both in bed and in life, taking it slowly is often a great idea! We frequently rush a bit too much when we get excited, but as the old saying goes, pushing the button compulsively won’t make the elevator come any faster (Am I right, girls?).

If the craziest thing you and your partner have ever done in bed was leaving the door open with your cat in the other room, you might want to go through a few intermediate steps before entering the swinging lifestyle.

Watch some swinging porn together, discuss what you would like or wouldn’t like to do with or without others, and talk to people who joined the lifestyle (Swingist can be a great place to start!).

The same goes for when you decide to take that leap of faith. You don't need to join other people immediately on your first day. For instance, you may agree with your partner that you will only play with each other initially and watch what’s happening around you. This is already outside most people’s comfort zone, so be proud of yourself.

Safewords

Sometimes, our discomfort may not be caused by the situation around us but by the fear that our partner is not enjoying the moment. Agreeing on a safe word like ‘pineapple’ to whisper in your partner’s ear if you need to take a break or if you no longer feel comfortable is an easy and quick way to communicate your feelings effectively and escape an uncomfortable situation in the fastest and most effective way.

You can also agree on a word, such as ‘cherry’, to whisper in each other's ears whenever you particularly enjoy what’s going on. We can assure you that you will never look at a basket of cherries in the same way!

Get familiar with the etiquette

Clubs are a great place to get familiar with this lifestyle without the anxiety of having to set up a date and discuss the details in advance. Getting access to a club as a single woman or a couple is straightforward. In contrast, single men may have more difficulty finding a location, giving them entry, and may even be charged extra fees.

Knowing the clubs’ rules will help you feel more in control of the situation, whether you decide to go by yourself or with a partner. These range from alcohol consumption to nakedness, where to have sex and where NOT to have sex (yeah, the bar counter may seem like a great place, but the people working behind it may think otherwise), and more. Check the club’s website to familiarize yourself with the rules, and don’t be afraid to ask once you enter.

We are all humans

Last but not least, remember, we are all humans! We all felt exactly like you’re feeling right now. A good thing to remember is that people adopting this lifestyle are often highly open-minded. There is no space for judgment and prejudices in swingers' clubs. Ultimately, you may be surprised to find yourself more at ease here than in many other ‘regular’ clubs!

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