Non-Monogamy 101: Swinging, Polyamory, and Open Relationships

If you are reading this post, then you might already be practicing non-monogamy. Or perhaps you’re interested in exploring non-monogamy for the first time. Either way, welcome! The world of non-monogamy is vast and varied, full of many different kinds of people with many different preferences for relationship styles.

Sometimes, it can be a bit overwhelming to keep track of all the terms non-monogamous people use. Some people identify as swingers, some as polyamorous. Other people say they are in an open relationship without taking on a non-monogamous identity. Does this sound a bit confusing?  Don’t worry; we are here to give you a quick but comprehensive breakdown of the most popular terms people use to define their non-monogamous relationships.

So, let’s start with the basics. Non-monogamy is an umbrella term that describes a relationship style involving more than two people. This may include swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and much more. Most people who practice these relationship styles consider their relationships consensually non-monogamous. This means all the partners are aware of and consent to partaking in a non-monogamous relationship. You may hear the terms ethical non-monogamy or consensual non-monogamy used interchangeably. They both refer to non-monogamous practices rooted in openness, honesty, and consent. These include swinging, polyamory, and open relationships.

Swinging, also known as “the lifestyle”, refers to open relationships that permit sex outside of the primary relationship but not love or commitment. The primary relationship usually consists of two partners who may be married, living together, or are committed to each other. In the swinging lifestyle, partners do not usually form long-term romantic or commitment-based connections with people who are not their primary partners. Instead, they enjoy pleasure-based connections with other couples or singles that primarily center around sex as the main form of intimacy.

Polyamory, on the other hand, centers love as the primary form of intimacy. Poly is a Greek word meaning Many, and Amor is Latin for Love. Directly translated, polyamory means “many loves”. Polyamorous people tend to build and maintain multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. This means that many poly people have the capacity to be in love with more than one person at a time. Under the umbrella of polyamory, there are many categories; some include solo-poly, non-hierarchical poly/relationship anarchy, hierarchical poly, kitchen table poly, polyfidelity, and much, much more. For a comprehensive list of poly definitions, check out https://www.polydictionary.org/. There are many ways to practice polyamory, but love and commitment to more than one person at a time are the center of these relationships.

Last, but not least, we will now discuss the term “open relationship”, perhaps the most commonly used but least specific term on today’s list. An open relationship is a non-monogamous relationship that allows for multiple sexual or romantic connections. Some people don’t feel comfortable identifying as polyamorous or partaking in the swinger lifestyle, but they still practice non-monogamous relationship styles. So, these people may say they have an open relationship, which is open to interpretation and defined according to the individual needs of all involved. Polyamorous people and swingers may also use open relationships as an umbrella term to describe their relationships.

Now that you know these most common terms, let’s dig deeper into how they happen in practice. As you may have noticed by now, being in a non-monogamous relationship requires a lot of communication and honest conversations between partners. We must openly discuss our most intimate desires, fears, limits & boundaries, and more. We must negotiate, compromise, and trust beyond what may feel comfortable, strengthening our relationships.

Some of the biggest questions non-monogamous people must tackle is this: how do we decide on our relationship agreements? Who gets to decide about our relationship, and what do they decide?

These questions pose a primary distinction between swinging and polyamory. In the swinger lifestyle, it is understood that the primary partners have the most significant say over how the relationship functions. Their other sexual partners do not participate in the primary partner’s decision-making process.

In polyamory, on the other hand, relationships don’t always have two primary partners. For example, a “throuple” is a committed partnership amongst three people who may all have an equal say over how the relationship functions. Or a person who practices solo-poly may have no primary partners at all. The world of polyamory offers many different relationship structures that create the possibility for various decision-making processes.

Swinging, polyamory, and open relationships are all fantastic relationship styles that lead to the same end: consensual/ethical non-monogamous experiences. So perhaps you seek to experience the thrill and excitement of a new sexual encounter alongside your primary partner. Or maybe you prefer to build several romantic relationships simultaneously. Or maybe you want to keep things open and see how it goes. Whatever your flavor of love, it is all valid and equal under the eyes of the non-monogamy gods.

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