Exploring Kink and BDSM: A Beginner's Safety Guide

Welcome, Open Minds!

You may have noticed an overlap between the swinger and BDSM communities. Non-monogamy is a big part of both communities, so it is not unusual for swingers to dip their toes into the kinky realm and vice versa. The world of kink and BDSM involves a lot of protocols and rules about safety and consent, which can be a little overwhelming at first. So, if you’re interested in exploring your kinkier side and want to make sure you’re doing it right, then you’re in the right place. Today, we are here to give you a beginner’s guide to BDSM safety protocols.

Let’s start with the basics: kink, fetish, BDSM…. what do all these words mean? BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism. The most popular elements of this acronym are D/s (Dominance and Submission) and S&M (Sadism and Masochism). S&M is a practice based on the giving (sadism) and receiving (masochism) of pain. D/s is focused on power exchange, meaning the submissive gives power to the Dominant. Both D/s and S&M may or may not involve bondage and discipline. It is also possible to practice a D/s power exchange that does or does not involve S&M and vice versa. Don’t worry if this all sounds confusing right now; BDSM is very complex, which is why we are writing this blog post for you.

Moving on to fetishes and kinks. A fetish is a strong and specific sexual interest in a particular object, body part, or activity that is not typically associated with sexual arousal. For a fetishist, the presence of the fetish object or body part is central to sexual satisfaction, i.e., foot fetish, latex fetish, etc. Kink, on the other hand, is a broader term that refers to unconventional or non-traditional sexual or sensual practices, interests, or fantasies. Many people use kink as an umbrella term that includes fetishes and BDSM.

So, now that you have a brief overview of the basics let’s discuss the various systems that kinky people have created to keep their practices safe. The acronyms SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), and the 4C’s (Consent, Communication, Caution, and Continued learning) are commonly used in the kinky world. Digging deep into these acronyms is too much for now, so let’s focus on the common thread that weaves through each of them: Consent.

Consent is of paramount importance in the kinky lifestyle. Consent will be your key to a successful kinky experience because BDSM can be risky and potentially harmful if consent is not negotiated. This is why communication and education are so crucial to a consensual and safe BDSM practice. Our society doesn’t teach us how to negotiate consent in our everyday lives, so we need to teach ourselves how to converse about consent. At first, it can feel a little awkward or even challenging to negotiate consent with a loved one, a friend, or even a stranger, but like most things, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. So, let’s break down the basics of negotiating consent in a BDSM context.

First, you and your play partner(s) need to decide the type of kinky play that will be happening. Will it be a physical impact scene with whips and canes? Will it be a fetish scene based on playing with feet or wearing latex? Will it be a role-play scene, such as a strict headmistress punishing her naughty pupil? These are just a few examples of the many different kinky scenarios that are possible! Once the type of play and activities have been agreed upon, discussing each person's role in the scene is essential. Do you want to take on a dominant role? Then, ensure your play partner wants to submit to you and vice versa. Do you want to be the sadist who uses whips or other tools to give pain to your partner(s)? Then, be sure to ask if they want to receive pain and what kind of pain they want: dull “thuddy” pain, sharp “stingy” pain, etc. Lastly, it is always important to ask what role sex plays in your scene. Some BDSM practitioners don’t want sex to be involved in the scene because they are primarily interested in pain or the feeling of being controlled, for example. Other fetishists and kinksters do like sex to be involved in the scene, so it is always good to discuss what kind of sexual acts you and your play partner(s) desire to happen or not happen during the scene. The bottom line here is this: the more you know about the desires and limits of your partner before a scene, the more freedom you will have to explore kink with confidence safely!

Last but certainly not least is negotiating a safe word! Establishing and using safewords is a common practice. A safe word is a designated word or signal that, when used, immediately stops the activity. This provides a clear and effective means of communication during those hot and heavy moments when it can be hard to articulate correctly. It is helpful for a safe word to be a word or gesture that would not usually be used in a kinky scene, such as saying banana or tapping your partner three times in a row. My personal favorite is the green-yellow-red system. Green means, “This feels good; keep going.” Yellow means “Let’s slow down or take a break.” Red means “Let’s stop the scene immediately.” This color system can help keep communication clear while hormones and sensations abound.

Remember, the kinky lifestyle is full of fun and games, but communicating consent is the key to success!

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