Art of the DM

The ice breaker or "slipping into their DM" is often the first interaction a person has with a couple or single they may want to connect with in real life. First impressions are made in the DM and can make or break a potential relationship. Sadly, many swingers, especially single guys, blow it in the DM. Once the conversation becomes sour, getting it back on track is almost impossible. Here are a few tips or observations from my own experiences.

Be Respectful

If you connect with a couple you met in a social media group, always follow the group's rules. Many groups request that you ask the couple before sending them a DM.

When you send that first message, get consent. For example, "I enjoyed your profile. Would it be okay to chat?". This approach is good for you and the couple you are approaching as it gives the couple an out. Not everyone is a match! You permitted them to decline, and you aren't wasting any of your time while they decide how to let you down. If they accept, then you know there is at least some interest. Interest does not mean you are bed buddies yet, so stay cool.

Speak in a respectful and classy tone. "Imma nut in your mouth" is not respectful or classy. If the person you are messaging enjoys and speaks that way, feel free to mirror their tone. However, it's always safer to keep the conversation classy. That's not to say you can enjoy dirty talk and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Don't isolate one member of the couple without consent. It's common to see single guys approach the couple's woman and get them to talk one-on-one or not engage the other partner. This approach is acceptable in a hotwife scenario, but always ensure it's okay before you cross that line. Swingist DM makes this easy. When you DM a couple on Swingist, you are automatically chatting with both members of the couple.

⁠Once you've made it into a couple's DM, be patient—a lack of patience where most single males or couples blow it. Many swingers have busy and private lives. We have jobs, kids, vanilla social schedules, etc. Accepting a DM does not make that person the center of the universe. Getting pushy with a couple doesn't make them feel good about a potential relationship. Some couples might like pushy, but assuming they do not is much safer.

Never Out a Swinger

A big reason why we started Swingist in the first place was that there were no social media platforms for Swingers. While private groups and swinger-specific couple profiles are great, it's easy to get accidentally outed. Swingist is social media for swingers by swingers. Regardless if you are on Swingist, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, etc., it's never okay to out someone. So, be careful. Look three times before you make a lifestyle comment on a post. It's common to become friends and not realize that your swinger friend made a vanilla post.

Even on Swingist, some groups are private. Some people might not care if you comment on the public timeline, but it's always better to be safe. Even amongst friends, some people may want to keep particular fetishes or desires a secret.

Dick Pics

It's simple; never lead with a dick pic. Always ask first or wait until someone request it.

Privacy First

Don't break that trust if a person trusts you enough with their pictures, nude or not. Never share a photo or conversation from a DM unless a person grants permission.

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