Bridging the Gap: Approaching Uncomfortable Conversations about Swinging

Hello!

The big question on everyone's lips: "How can I discuss swinging with my spouse?" What a thought-provoker, isn't it? And truth be told, the skill of broaching uncomfortable subjects stretches far beyond the swinging domain.

Consider this: "It's only awkward until it's not." Whether it's taking the reins at a new job, trying an unusual sexual position, initiating a chit-chat with an attractive stranger, or even a first date—almost all situations have a tint of discomfort initially. Yet, with practice and repetition, familiarity creeps in.

Now, if you've been sidestepping awkward talks with your partner, diving head-first into a conversation about swinging could be quite a tall order. So why not begin with a simpler conversation? Select a topic that's awkward, but not likely to stir up feelings or trigger insecurities. You wouldn't want to tell your spouse you dislike their new hairstyle—that's a surefire way to upset them.

Here's an alternative: Compliment your partner on something specific they did, which you enjoyed, and then pop the question: "Did it turn you on as much as it did me? Is there anything you'd like me to change?" See what you did there? You've not only appreciated your partner but also exposed your vulnerable side. They now have a non-threatening chance to talk about their desires. If they don't take it, that's fine too. Think of it as doing a rep at the gym.

I recently gave advice to a friend who was struggling to ask his wife to change her pubic hair grooming style without sounding critical. I suggested, "Ask her if she likes how YOU groom. Say, 'Honey, are you fond of how I've been trimming down here? Would you like me to change anything?'" Chances are, she'll share her preferences and then ask if he'd like to see any alterations on her part. This strategy is a fantastic way to foster awkward chats without making your partner feel uncomfortable or attacked.

You should initiate such conversations frequently—daily, if possible. Once you're comfortable with the formerly awkward chats, it's time to raise the stakes. Drop hints like, "Honey, I find you incredibly sexy when we make love. I can't help but think how arousing it would be to watch you with someone else, like a live erotic movie." Wait for their reaction. Don't force anything.

Once these dialogues become common, move towards the discussions you've been eager to have. Instead of revealing what you want, ask them about their desires. Ask them, "Sweetheart, our relationship is so fantastic and sensual. Have you ever fantasized about being intimate with someone else? How does that make you feel?" This kind of powerful questioning, following a period of rendering awkward talks less daunting, will make your partner feel more at ease to express their feelings.

Timing is crucial, though. Catch them off-guard after a hard day's work, or in the middle of a non-sexy chore, and you might not get the response you desire. Create the right atmosphere—a date, some wine, a cozy TV night. Sexy time could be an ideal moment too, but tread carefully. Avoid anything that might be taken as criticism, but discussing fantasies when aroused can be exciting.

Remember, your aim here is to plant a seed—no pressure, no rush. This might be a long game that might not necessarily end in swinging. Choosing this lifestyle is deeply personal and involves risk. Both partners need to be on the same page. Just discussing it can bring an exciting edge to some relationships. For others, it might lead to swinging. Either way, by learning to navigate these initially uncomfortable conversations, your bond strengthens—a win-win, regardless of your lifestyle.

Living my best life…

Tommo